Three daffodils are floating in a creek,
they are close to the dock, the eye must not seek.
The willow branches, the golden rays of the sun
towards the greenish mirror they tend to run.
Here he sits with his fishing cane
and tells me for what reason here he came.
A worm he fixes on his little hook,
it sinks and disappears in the green brook.
“Three daffodills are floating in this creek,
here I come to breathe, I must not seek.”
Here I come to breathe, I must not seek.
Anonymous: bullocks I bet you’ll be frighteningly terrifying if anyone made you angry.
Such an interesting conversation.
It is not advisable to travel in a hectic fashion when the weather is not ideal and you are ill.
Two examples that hint that I should get some sleep would be…I almost said ”happy birthday” to GM when I was congratulating him after the concert. Secondly, I almost scolded YangYe.
More about the concert later.
______________________________________________________ update 20.09.2008, 09:40
And so I attended the concert of the conservatory orchestra. Der Freischütz overture, Bassoon Concerto in F major of Weber and Brahms’ 2nd Symphony was on the programme with Johannes Goritzki as conductor and GM, the bassoon soloist. Was an enjoyable concert and the first concert I attend after the one month hiatus. Realised that my ears seem to be ‘working differently’ this time. I’m doing the same by sitting in a concert hall, listening to a concert but my perception of the sounds seem to be different. It’s as if in the one month away I had new ears installed. Sure hope the ‘new ears’ wouldn’t be something negative.
Was surprised at Goritzki’s conducting style, wasn’t quite what I expected. Expected him to be more of a Hartung than Shui Lan. It’s always nice to see a conductor who enjoys himself so much while conducting. Meszaros was impressive. The springy and lively staccatos, the level of precision and not forgetting the musicality displayed. There were some bits where his interpretation was a mild surprise but besides that, there seemed to be something missing. Anyway I was impressed (especially with the 2nd movement) and I think no one has any idea how glad I am to be studying the bassoon even though the war goes on.
The feeling I had while I watched the orchestra play on and GM on stage was indescribable. It’s a feeling you get that makes you not know what to think or say. I was thinking about how difficult it is to be in the arts throughout the concert, probably because of the rude punks that were chatting and walking in and out of the concert hall DURING the concert anytime they wanted and that I haven’t been around so many musicians for some time.
Was nice to have some exchange of hugs and handshakes after the concert. Most seem to be surprised to see me because they haven’t seen me around for some time and it was funny to have the “you look different, what did you do? Are you alright?” comment several times. I probably looked tired.
Headed for tea with Thiago since he was leaving for Basel the next day and called YangYe while he was on the phone with his Mum. I was worried because she wasn’t at the concert which we had made plans to meet at and GM’s mention that she might be afraid to walk home after the concert in the dark made me a tad guilty and wish that I had called her apartment to tell her I’ll take her home with my bike if she was worried about the dark.
And it turns out that she was home the whole time on the computer and had forgotten about the concert. YangYe oh YangYe… Passed her the message from GM so that she knows that she could go with the orchestra bus the next day to the concert in Giubiasco and that I’ll send her home when she gets back if she worries about the dark. She asked me what the best way to phrase her answer to GM would be and I told her that I’m just a messenger because she can’t call out with her home line and her mobile phone is gone due to the robbery. And she just said, “just tell him I have something these three days and can’t attend”. Such a brilliant answer that I said OK, hung up, passed the message on and was annoyed for the rest of the evening.
Thiago asked if I was annoyed that I had travelled such a distance to listen to the professor and that she couldn’t be bothered to get out of her warm apartment 20 minutes away or because of my respect towards the bassoon and professor. I had no answer and told him I’ll give him an answer when he returns from Basel, haha.
Enough about yesterday’s concert, time to study.
Eyes, head and throat is burning. Due to the weather.
Being ill isn’t my cup of tea.
Work on the bassoon and some writing went relatively well and I had a visit from Enara and Ane, pleasantly surprising.
I am exceptionally calm today. Zen.
Spent the morning looking through countless double reed websites comparing prices of reed-making tools, bassoon harnesses and reed cases since the people renovating and painting the building were making a heck of a noise. The afternoon was used on the bassoon and making some calls. YYe returned from her trip to retrieve a key to her apartment in the late afternoon and moved her things back. I headed to the conservatorio, studied.
There was something stifling about practising besides having a reed that was not responding much, so I decided to go for a walk. Was going to go out the main entrance when I heard Tailor and gang laughing and chatting loudly through the heavy door thus decided to take another exit. Heard a bassoon coming from the Aula Magna and took a look, the boss was getting his work done. Wanted to sit in, listen and not speak but no one else was inside so I thought it was better to give him his space. Was walking back to the studio and already the ’stifling’ was acting up, so I headed out for a walk anyway. So what if others think that I’m wasting my time away by going for a stroll instead of cooping myself in the studio. Spent some time at the swings and amused myself by observing two little bats doing crazy circles. They looked like they were getting dizzy from chasing one another in circles because after awhile their circles got more eccentric, hahaha.
Walked around for 20 minutes thinking about the story that Irek had to wake up at dawn to tell me and saw GM as he drove out of the parking lot. Probably because I saw GM with his Renault, it came to mind how Zhangsir and I took 16 days to choose his Volvo S80. It was always nice having him sit me down for tea, taking rides in his car, listening to his stories, sitting in for his lessons at the conservatory, checking his documents and running errands for him. I am very glad that he finally let me understand why he made the situation difficult the moment he knew I was going away and that he had a good laugh about me embarrassing someone publicly when I wanted to prove a certain point about GM. Sure hope Zhangsir’s health would get better, I promised to prove him wrong the next time he hears me in concert.
Right, left, right, left…one foot after the other, keep on going.
Was up at 745am to make breakfast and write, then listened to Nimrod while YangYe washed up before having breakfast and decided to check my email. Awesome to see some good news from Dr. Stomberg about a certain IDRS event and emails from the Polish Vodka Team. Witold sent me a .rar file that I managed to download but not open, wonder what it was. Was expecting 2-3 lines from Irek’s email but I was wrong, there were many many many lines. The not-so-old man is silly but very kind to wake up at dawn just to tell me a story as instructed by his old friend whom I presume to be Witold. I read through the story more than 5 times, squinting at the laptop screen but I still don’t quite understand because too many interpretations were coming to mind as I read.
Give me some time, I will understand the story soon.
Why don’t you try how it feels to tell someone a story at dawn? It would be an unique experience and smiles would be brought to both the listener and storyteller.
Wouldn’t it be nice to have the TMusica folks all around now?
Il denaro è molto importante, soprattutto ora perché ho bisogno di esso. But there are exceptions. Hearing a friend in such distress calling to ask for help, there was a need to cancel the lucrative plans. Was having second thoughts as I dragged her heavy luggage to my apartment but upon seeing how she ate the soup noodles I cooked after she requested for them, change of mind. Now she sleeps in a warm bed with a full stomach while I sit here writing emails apologising for not being able to go over and knowing that the bank account would not have any ‘incoming traffic’, which might mean that I should be expecting some weight loss soon. Literally.
Anyway, I am glad I helped.
Now I head to bed beside my guest who is obviously still traumatised after being robbed because she is sighing in her sleep. Poor lady.
Several days have passed since I have returned to Lugano. In this period of time I have done several things, the two biggest feat being to open up and unpack all the cardboard boxes in the apartment and getting to know the bassoon again.
Even though the phone call on Saturday evening was ‘lively’, I broke the rules, got out a small piece of paper and copied the last section of “Perché”. The committe and PF had big reactions after reading the last section. GM would probably shrug it off and consider the fiction/non-fiction possibility but I need him to attempt to understand under what circumstances I chose the road less travelled.
Met GM for reeds yesterday. I was 15 minutes early so I stood there thinking about TMusica’08 and how godpa Irek and I would meet at the metal benches on the lawn, how I used to like to go to the swings at the playground, how nice it felt when once I lay on the metal benches trying to make out the star constellations one cold evening during spring when no one was around. Saw the boss with his usual stride walking along out of the corner of my eye and was still grinning at the memory of rolling around the lawn during TMusica’07 when I realised he had already started speaking. Seeing me smile at the empty lawn, I probably did not look very intelligent. Was a brief meeting but I was glad to see the boss again with his tacky and oversized tweed jacket. Returned him the Waterhouse publication, gift of lychee tea , some photographs I thought he would like a copy of and the last section of ”Perché” which I specified is to be returned. There is something about people important to me…I always don’t know how to behave around them and things I want to say begin to swim and I’ll be at a loss of words. Towards family and people close to heart, words forsake me always and after a while to save the situation I would spout complete nonsense. I should work on this, seufz.
Anyway, I’m glad that the reed works even though the vibrations are not yet ideal. It probably just needs a lot of time spent on it working through pieces, etudes etc, which I ought to do.
Monday, which is today…was not so great. Fever and frustration don’t go well together. Am glad Irek and I had a short but serious conversation today (on top of having his Polish Vodka Team member Witold write me an email with a photo from his recent theatre production attached). It’s nice having the old man showering his care and concern from Mallorca and how he thinks it’s a pity that I’m too far or he’ll like to buy me a nice Mexican dinner. It’s strange how much I wished for a call from home at that moment.
I must be insane.
A lot lies ahead. A lot awaits. Do it.
p.s It’s interesting how Tailor has a sudden interest in ’studying’ the Weber in the Aula Magna these days. Lavin asked “wow what is he trying to prove?” I wonder.
There is something about Aula 109 that connects me to it. Perhaps it is because my first memories of the conservatorio began in this aula when a man whom I named ‘The Sound’ for a over a year walked towards me and shook my hand. That was in 2007. How time flies. ‘The Sound’ is now my bassoon professor, I had 2 intense weeks of bassoon-ing in this aula a month ago with TMusica 2008 and all the happy and innocent moments of TMusica 2007 are long gone.
Aula 109 ‘feels’ like this in my memory. This was taken on the day I last played the bassoon before I went away and was ‘put on trial’. Guess it was the sense of impending departure that made me take such a photograph.
That’s the beauty of photography, with a device in your hands you can capture the feeling of the moment, the ambience of the location and emotions that are displayed.
Anyway today was my third session with the bassoon after the month away from the instrument. Not having a bassoon harness to study with feels very uncomfortable. Have no idea if it’s because of the one month hiatus or something else but my left forearm muscles were burning at the end of the day. Shows how much work is awaiting.
Harmonia with Costioli and ascolto with Ivo went relatively well today. Several comments that I dress differently and Lavinia’s comment that I looked like I was ’recovering from a mishap’. Don’t quite understand what about my expressions, behaviour or dressing generated those comments. Do feel different after the ‘rollercoaster ride’ but I wasn’t expecting any ‘visual change’.
Was great to hear from YangYe in the evening, such a pity however that the call brought such bad news. She was obviously distressed from her mishap and told me to speak to GM and Nlle Uarf for her as she will have to postpone her return to Lugano because of the need to trace the lost items. Poor lady, what more on the Chinese mid-Autumn Festival..
Resumed practising after YangYe’s call but could not do so in peace because I was supposed to call GM for her but did not know how to. After that final goodbye, I do know even though I have returned if ’the doors’ are open for me, that is the reason. Finally I succumbed to the image of YangYe worried and panicking in Zurich and sent an sms to GM informing me of YangYe’s situation, then I resumed working on the Slama.
And the phone rang.
Hesitated, then answered. Spoke with the most positive and ecstatic voice I could master but was shaking, nuts. Don’t like having this facade. I want to share my opinions, thoughts and feelings, but…
The past haunts.
Just as how the body produces immunoglobulin to reject foreign particles and remove viruses, my fingers and lips seem to be rejecting the bassoon. Today was the second session of with the bassoon and it was nothing but demoralizing. New reeds are required as the current ones are almost ready for cremation. Dang.
And once again, Lugano and I reunite.
It’s Christian the bassoon’s 4th birthday today. Christian and I have come far but there is still a long long way to go.
Happy birthday Christian, thank you for being such a trustworthy companion.
Glad to be reunited with the bassoon today after the dramatic one month hiatus.
And so the festival comes to an end. Goodbyes are said, people hold one another, hands are shook, bags are packed and hearts begin to ache.
Cheers to all the good music made, friendships made, love and comradeship that bonded all and musicianship displayed.
We were all hand in hand, and now we have come to the end.
Farewell Ticino Musica 2008.
A few more days to another goodbye. In 2007, Aula 109 was where it began. The dream dies there too.
Adios would be hard.
He makes you make time to sit down with your music and study seriously. He makes you want to sit down with the music to study it well. He makes you realise how much there is a need for you to sit down with your music to analyse, tear it apart, break it down, repeat it for hours and hours in the search to make the music work.
He makes time to sit you down to speak and understand you. He stares right at you and ‘into’ you so that you don’t ‘runaway’ and face whatever there is.
He reminds you with his words and actions that help, support, sincerity and kinship does exist.
He is there for you.
Glad that I got back to Lugano yesterday because then I have today to work on the bassoon. Embrochure is good and relaxed but the duration of the embrochure holding well is way too short. After the warm-ups and bits of Oubradous and Slama, my embrochure was already giving way when I ran through the Stamitz and reached the cadenza of the 1st movement, seufz. Very much to be done.
Back to Aula 105 as the last hours of my twentieth year slip by.
And once again, I am back in Lugano. It was good to be away to breath, reflect, organize some thoughts, make some decisions, feed some rabbits, spend time with some cows, donkeys and sheeps, make some purchases, have proper meals and being in the mountains.
Bikey got into some trouble due to the amazing Swiss trains but anyway I’m glad that we got back fine. Was nice having Thiago to pick me up at the station because then I only have Christian with the case on my back while Thiago pushed Bikey with the heavy duffel bag strapped to the back of the bicycle.
And now, I am almost ready for the new beginning that lies ahead.
Almost.
Being away from Lugano, I can’t help but wonder who is in the conservatorio, whether the consi gang heads to Bar Blue after studying, who studies in the Aula Magna, who occupies Aula 105 and how everyone there in Lugano. It’s a strange feeling. Find myself asking ”why do I care?” but I can’t ’switch off’, so..leave it.
Anyway, the mountains are spectacular, the air is great, the Jaggi-s are awesome. I am breathing and eating well, doing some writing and quite a bit of thinking over here.
Cheers.
p.s Joyeux anniversaire F.Jaggi! être heureux et sain!
Enara, sea feliz, sea adorado, es sano, está agradecido y disfruta de su música. Usted es una persona especial, yo soy feliz de conocerle.
Feliz, feliz en tu día,
amiguito que Dios te bendiga,
que reine la paz en tu día,
y que cumplas muchos más.
Cumpleaños Felices Enara.
I remember all my life
Raining down as cold as ice
Shadows of a man
A face through a window
Crying in the night
The night goes into
Morning just another day
Happy people pass my way
Looking in their eyes
I see a memory
I never realized
How happy you made me
Yet another rainy day. Brought the song ”Mandy” to mind. Rain rain rain.
Went for a walk to get away from the laptop, bassoon and conservatorio for a while. It’s been long since I have been to this part of Lugano. I remember it was snowing the second last time I was here and I sat on an ice cold metal bench at 3am, with good company. That was when I learnt that good company keeps you warm. The last time I was here, it was with comrade Kelly. It was raining and after awhile it poured, but we walked in the cold rain and later ate at the restaurant nearby and had people giving us quizzical looks because we were drenched. I remember we had a diavola pizza, caffè latte and latte macchiato.
Little things like this; memories, experiences, tastes, scents, walks, dreams and encounters…they remind you that you’re breathing and alive.
Spent hours organising the music and documents from Averys’ after getting back from studying and managed to get 3 hours of sleep. Woke up in a state of panic because I had a nightmare. In the nightmare I had spent months preparing for a very important concert and as I reached the backstage of the concert hall on the concert day, humming the 3rd movement of the Stamitz concerto…I opened my case and realised that Christian was gone!
IMAGINE! An empty case without Christian! Madonna Santa! Aiuto! Arghhhhh!
It took me 20 minutes to brush my teeth, wash my face, have a glass of water and get to the conservatorio. My instrument was in the conservatorio because I find that it’ll be more safe there on days when I finish studying after 1130pm and know that I’ll be back in less than 10 hours.
Anyway, evidently Christian was in the case and sparkling as I opened the case. O Dio, thank goodness. Guess I would prefer to carry Christian back to the apartment every evening from now on even if I were to study until 1230am, unless the weather leaves me with no choice.
Attended Frances Jones’ alphorn seminar/concert in the evening. It was comforting yet at the same time a little odd to hear so much English all around. The Johnson-s were on my right chatting in English, Jones was delivering her seminar in English and some Americans who are in Lugano to attend the horn festival were on my left. The conservatorio is recently flooded with English and horn players! hahahahahahaha. The presentation was rather interesting but doesn’t appeal easily for sure. I was thinking, wouldn’t it have been very exciting if herds of cows and animals began to make their way to the Aula Magna from the mountains in response to the various ‘cow calls’ that Jones was demonstrating?
Time to spend time with the Sibelius software.
Cheers.
Non partirmi, per favore. Siamo degli amici. Siamo delle famiglie.
After two nights of negotiation, the kind people at Averys’ finally called to say that they’ll be ”more than glad to have further collaboration”. Music to my ears. Am sure GM would be glad to hear this news too. Had the impression that he was very cautious and a little uncomfortable with the whole issue because geld was involved. I can understand his position and I am apologetic.
Anyway, spent the morning reading through Ibert and Glinka with Thiago. Was enjoyable and interesting but I could have done better, especially with the Glinka. The Ibert reminds me of a collection of sea shanties. Perhaps Ibert had some sailor blood somewhere in his system? haha. The Glinka is a beautiful work with it’s technically-challenging passages, drama and sensitivity. Poor Glinka must have been writing this work sniffling, sobbing and reminiscing about his days with the young lady and her love which he later lost.
Went home after the morning of studying and rehearsing. Was making lunch when it started to pour. Had lunch and did some work on the arrangement for bassoon sextet. The rain made me feel that it was necessary to have a warm cup of tea and so I did. Began staring at the tea and thinking about Teh Si, Teh Gow and the Teh Si Siu Tae that I always have at Four Seasons after a while. I wonder if the aunties at Four Seasons would have forgotten my order, the next time I walk into Four Seasons? Strangely I miss having them shout “MEIMEI MEIMEI” at me all the time.
Music. Rain. Tea. ‘Further collobaration’. Nice! And now, time to study. Andiamo!
Endless rain.
I like it because my mind is clearest when it pours. I like it because you smell the trees, leaves and soil. I like it because the temperature lowers. I like it because I like hearing the raindrops hitting the various surfaces.
However, rain brings nostalgia, melancholy and a need for comforting.
The conservatorio was deserted once again. Stayed in Aula 105 until 2330h, didn’t want Aurelie to have to make a trip back to the conservatorio just to lock up. Declined the offer to join everyone else who was at Bar Blue for a drink because my pockets were empty, I knew that I was going to be bad company and I wasn’t keen on filling my lungs with secondhand smoke.
First and last movements of Stamitz are going well. 3rd movement of Acker requires better control of embrochure during the big interval leaps and more rhythmical sense. Milde on the whole needs a lot more vibrato, understanding of the phrases and making sure that my fingers know exactly where to go. The Telemann wears me out too fast and the E-flats drive me crazy. Somehow the Telemann makes me very anxious when I play it, especially the 2nd and 4th movement. My heart races and after a while my fingers are completely in confusion. Guess it’s a sign that I should acquaint myself with many more works of the Baroque period so that I understand the styles better and the music happens more naturally.
To think about it, it would be interesting to have a chance to play more basso continuo parts. Nicola and I worked on the Telemann Sonata some weeks ago and we switched parts after a while. Only then did I realise that it’s not easy playing the basso continuo part because it requires much more control! Perhaps I could ask the Baroque recorder ensemble if they could allow me to work with them and play the basso continuo part any time they want. hmmm, sounds like a good idea. Anyway, I spent 2 hours focused on my finger movements today. My fingers still lift way too far from the instrument and the coordination of fingers is poor. Need my fingers to work like clockwork, ayyyyyyyyyy.
13 days to the opening of the festival. 13 days to the reminder that 21 years ago I was born.
Unfortunately the Aula Magna was LOCKED, thus I studied in Aula 203 instead.
Once again the conservatorio was deserted as the orchestra was giving a concert away from homeground. Marija and Tamara came later on to get some work done but they stayed on the 1st floor while I was on the 0 floor. I was tempted to study in a different ’0 floor’ studio at every change of hour just for the heck of it, but that would have been a little too troublesome so I stayed in Aula 203. Had a nice view, average air ventilation, working stand and decent piano available, no complaining was necessary.
Need a change of bassoon reeds. Need to learn to buzz like the trumpet players. Need to focus on fingerwork. Need to strengthen embrochure. Need 10 times more intensity in the higher register. Need a bigger sound. Need some colour and better intonation in the low register. Need to have a vibrato that exists. Need much more patience.
Lots to do, lots to do.
Spent the morning working on the arrangement for chorus, worked shortly on the bassoon and went to the Aula Magna for the afternoon’s chamber music concert. Saw Cic and Schneider before before I went for the concert. Molto deludere, seufz. Anyway, it was nice to see GM at the entrance before the concert, but it was a pity that I was ‘muted’. I remember I had this and that to say but I only said ”hi” and probably made him feel awkward. It’s funny how one comment I was going to say was ”wow you smell very nice”, haha. Was thinking about too many things at the same time to speak properly.
The Mozart Divertimento was well-rehearsed. Was especially impressed with Thiago’s musicality. It was clear that he led the trio well and was very musical. Francesco supported the trio well and Levi’s tone had certainly improved. He seemed a little shy in the trio though, haha. This Divertimento sounds easy but it actually isn’t because the slightest unsteadiness in the inner pulse of the individual musicians would result in the music sounding unhinged. The Mozart Duo was odd. I didn’t understand the choice of dressing for the violist because it seemed to hinder her playing. Both players have good tone and technique but bad intonation, interpretation and presentation of music. I enjoy music for strings very much but I found myself wondering why Mozart had to write so many movements for the duo before the first movement even ended. Not a good sign!
This is how Thiago and Franceso looked as the Mozart Duo went on. Unfortunately, the rest of the audience had the same look. Lessons learnt from this duo: 1) Take even the smallest performances seriously 2) Do not make the audience cringe with your bad intonation 3) Do not make the audience blame the composer for writing the piece 4) Do not look cocky on stage 5) Do not dress uncomfortably.
Last piece of the chamber music concert was Yang Ye’s Rossini Quartette. Kipp had to stand in for Katie and did an excellent job, impressive. Yang Ye’s outfit made her look like she walked out of a James Bond movie, she laughed when I told her so. The quartet was put together well but lacked energy and excitment. Yang Ye’s tone has improved and I was impressed with her speed of tonguing. Brava!
Somehow GM gave me the impression today that there was something bugging him. He looked like he had some worries, something that made his heart a little heavy or that he was really tired. Was curious and wanted to ask him if he was alright or give him a friendly massage but didn’t know how to approach him so I went right back to Aula 105 for some practising instead. Guess it’s only natural that the boss has cloudy days too.
According to ’schedule’ I was to work on the 3rd movement of the Stamitz, Glinka and Ibert for the afternoon. Anyway, Thiago dropped by for a brief chat and we ended up making arrangements to read the Glinka and Ibert this Monday at 10am. Would be interesting to have a rough idea of the Ibert and revise the Glinka so that I know exactly how to prepare these pieces before the festival. Continued practising for two hours after Thiago went off but it was too warm to study. My brain was flooding with many thoughts and having not a single person in the entire -1 floor of the conservatorio, I was suddenly down. Strange.
So I packed the instrument and went for a walk. Looking at the blue lake, blue skies, green mountains and the sun shining on everything, it was hard to stay upset for long. William Waterhouse is known to be acquainted with every mountain in Ticino. I want to be the second bassoonist to do that. If destiny decides that I would spend quite a bit more time with GM, CSI and Lugano…I would really like to be acquainted with the mountains of Ticino, just like the great Maestro Waterhouse.
Time to go to the conservatorio to study. Aula Magna, here I come.
Chose to study in the apartment in the afternoon since it was evident that the conservatorio would be flooded with chirpy groups of musicians working on the orchestra project. Reached the conservatorio at 630pm to begin the evening session of studying and realised that besides me, there was no one there. There wasn’t a single car in the carpark and in every direction you looked, there was no human in sight. And so I had a brilliant idea…
To study in the Aula Magna. No one else, just my bassoon, the Aula Magna and me. Luxury.
Had a walk around the conservatorio when I took a break after deciding that I had enough of Stamitz for the day. I realised that the empty conservatorio looked rather elegant in it’s own way. Fine architecture.
Took a moment to clear my mind because my fingers were getting tangled from the last section of the Milde and noticed my bassoon’s shadow on the stage. The shadow looked very artistic beside the shiny keys thus I felt obliged to take this photo. This photo certainly has high potential to be the excellent background of a recital poster. Interesting.
Was starting to press on the reed too much and my brain had gotten a little ‘cloudy’ so I decided that it was time to head back to the apartment. Amazing experience having the whole Aula Magna to myself. Would have been perfect if I could get the Maestro to have a listen on the progress of the new pieces, to give me some direction on the pieces and even some reeds. Ay, but the not-so-old man has enough on his hands to handle, I shouldn’t bother him. Anyway, I’ll repeat this experience tomorrow at 19h to 23h since the entire orchestra would be away giving a concert and the conservatorio would be deserted once again.
Just the Aula Magna and me, luxury.
Spending three to four hours warming up, three hours in the afternoon doing only technical aspects of the etudes and pieces and having the whole evening concentrated on pieces. This system seems to be working well so far. I feel physically and mentally tired when I leave the conservatorio at midnight. Sitting down with a cup of tea and doing some internet-surfing or reading, yet another day comes quietly to an end.
Beginning on the Milde concerto and continuing with the Oubradous and Slama studies, I realised how confused my fingers can get. It makes me feel as if I have no control over the bassoon at all and I’ll start to panic. Terrible. My detached notes have recently been very floppy, no bounce at all. Seufz. The lack of vibrato for the Milde makes it sound flat as an airport runway. The high notes are with a lack of tension. Lots to do, lots to do.
The conservatorio orchestra project with Cohen directing sounds very impressive. Especially liked how the Ravel sounded. Would be a few more donkey years before I’ll have a seat in the orchestra. Ay!
I was staring at my hands after returning from studying. I find that our hands are amazing. Just a part of us made out of muscles, nerves, blood and bones but there is so much we could do with them. A reassuring hand on someone you care, springing around the keys of instruments to create music, building a house, writing, a soothing hand on someone who is hurt, cooking, conducting and so many more. Everytime I watch a video of Valery Gergiev conducting, I am staring at his hands. It’s as if he can feel and touch every nuance the orchestra is producing and he is putting them all together with his bare hands. Mesmerizing.
Take a look at your hands. Do you realise how much you do with them and how much more you could do?
The empty studios in the evening. The only one occupied yesterday evening was Aula 105, as most of the conservatorio was in the city attending the jazz festival and celebrating Schneider’s birthday. Was nice to hear a cellist practising at 11pm, it made the silence a little less unnerving for me.
An empty conservatorio at 11pm. The 2nd level that holds the grand pianos.
Empty. Leeren. Se vider. Vuotare. Vaciarse. Kiürít. Mengosongkan.
That’s how it feels.
Tentano di abbandonarmi ancora? In un modo diverso?
Non adesso, per favore.
Happy birthday dear Mr.Schneider and Mr.Dindo.
To this two very special people, I sincerely wish that the years to come along would be filled with a lot of joy, laughter, good health, happiness, serenity, adventure and amazing music. Live well and be happy. Don’t worry about the increase in wrinkles or white hair. They would only make you more charming. Auguri!
Thank you Mr.Meszaros.
Thank you for listening, teaching, inspiring, ‘exploding’, making me speak, nagging, forgiving, helping, caring and giving. Grazie.
Today’s piano accompaniment duties could have been carried out much better if my concentration level was increased. Direction on the bassoon is crystal clear now and there is much work to be done before the festival and recital. Was reminded on the need for me to ‘learn to speak’ again.
I was thinking, where did my voice go?
Meszaros believes there is a way and he shows you the way. He gives you more than an education.
Grit your teeth and work.
There are moments when troubles enter our lives
and we can do nothing to avoid them.
But they are there for a reason.
Only when we have overcome them
will we understand why they were there.
-Paulo Coelho “The Fifth Mountain”
Most people think that things are perfect after Thursday’s ’showdown’. To be honest, things are much harder. However for the first time in my past 20 years, I find that I am heading in a clear direction. It feel like I am living every day as though I’m on a log bridge or tightrope but I don’t remember the last time my mind was so clear.
Hang on.
GM sagt, “I am not your father.”
Heute ist der erste Tag nachdem gestern’s kleine Freude und heute ich wieder enttäuscht habe. Warum bin ich so gut an Enttäuschen und Frustrieren andere geworden? Kann wie dies nicht fortsetzen, muss ich einen neuen Zeitplan, ein neues System und ein neues mich schaffen.
SVEGLIARSI.
Woke up from my 9 quality hours of sleep (thanks to the sleeping pills) and read my entry that reflected on yesterday’s ’showndown’. Find that the entry gives out any overdose of negative vibes and I can’t head to the conservatorio and work on the bassoon in peace if I didn’t do a second post of my ‘post-showdown’ feelings, so here I am writing.
I am sincerely grateful, sincerely thankful, sincerely touched, sincerely inspired, sincerely worried and last but not least, sincerely happy.
I thank you, you, you and you.
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 | aeondesires on schiaffeggiato, senza una… |
 | Aart Hilal on To overcome |
 | Rekkha on Concert season |
 | Dabao on Hilf mir |
 | KAKA on Return |
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